i always ran to my blogger when i can't talk to someone else.
i will write all i feel right now.
who believes in reconciliation??
i posted last year about my "letter to Juliet" but it didnt answer my letter. so here's the thing right now, i know Caloy, a good friend help me about this, somehow it helped me but not totally.
this concerns my love issue.
DEJA VU. Yeah, that is what im feeling right now. Few years back, when i was in highschool, i had a boyfriend, we broke up, and while im still not over him, he had a girlfriend. i was hurt. i was terrible. i was miserable.
Right now, i am experiencing the same thing i felt a few years back. All, the hurt, how miserable i am, how terrible i am. Everything.
My concern is, the guy i love is back in my arms again but the thing is until now i can't accept the fact that she had another girlfriend. Every now and then it always comes to my mind. And Last night, i had a breakdown. Everytime he is with other girls, and im not around him, i can't let go of the feeling that he will leave me. I can't let go of that thought because he already did this to me, right? Did i make sense?
Even if i tell him this, he'll never understand coz he never felt the way i had. He will never does, and will just said, it just a tiny issue. For him, it is, but mine, no! I am very careful with the guy i fall inlove with, coz i dont wanna be miserable again. But, i fell with the wrong guy again. And he has hurt me twice. How Stupid i am.
Yesterday, i never talked to him because im really really getting paranoid, but he doesnt know and he doesnt like to know. He left me and drank with friends. He ignored me the whole day.
You know what i felt, he doesnt really love me, if he truly does, he'll find a way to know what's wrong. but he didnt. What i felt is, He can just dumped me whenever he wants to. He can leave me whenever he wants to. He can change with any other girl. Paranoid right? but possible.
Until now, 9;10 am of February 10, 2011, he doesnt have text. I blocked him on my twitter. He doesnt really care. Maybe, its' because i already gave him my assurance, he's so confident that i wont leave him, that he can just overcome me, dictate me. NO! ive decided, NO! This is Goodbye. i was so stupid of reconciling with him, and which i shouldnt have to. Look, what i am right now, i was really really really hurt. I am miserable.
I am miserable 4 years ago, and until im still miserable! THANK YOU for making me.
